Friday, February 02, 2007

Too early for flapjacks?

The forecast here in the Twin Cities is that it's gonna be cold, it's gonna be gray, and it's gonna last you the rest of your life. Of course, I'm not here to bitch about the cold. Not when I saw a woman on Tuesday riding her bike wearing a skirt. And this morning I saw a guy collapse face down on the side of the road. He went down like a bag of hammers. He was running with a military unit by Ft. Snelling. His drill sargent (a small woman) came back and shouted at him until he got up and started running again.

What I am gonna bitch about is flat tires. After building up some karma, I spent Wednesday evening patching tubes and fixed the flat tire on my Schwinn. I put the newly repaired tire back on the bike that night, but haven't ridden it since. When I got home from tonight's commute and went to put the Raleigh away, I noticed that the tire on the Schwinn was flat. Again. Without a single ride. I think I'm going to have to sacrifice a chicken or a virgin to get rid of this juju.

Date: February 1
Mileage: 18
Ride type/Bike: Commute/Raleigh
February mileage: 18
Year to date mileage: 327

Date: February 2
Mileage: 18
Ride type/Bike: Commute/Raleigh
February mileage: 36
Year to date mileage: 355


KM said...

Chicken would be way easier. Where the hell will you find a virgin?

Snakebite said...

Sacrifice a virgin?? Are you nuts? That's just crazy talk! Just have Lunatic Biker come over and do the Bike Demon Removal Dance around the bike - it even works on Schwinns.

Sparky said...

I'm with snakebite and km. A) You'll never find a virgin that's past the age of consent (although consenting to be murdered ritually still doesn't make it legal, me thinketh) and B) it would be a tragic, horrible waste of a perfectly good virgin!

Obviously, you need to do a chicken. Just follow the lead of Jake Taylor from Major League, and get a bucket of KFC like they did for the Haitian. We'll sit around in the garage, eat the bucket and throw the bones at the bike. That oughta' do it. Long as it's *your* garage...

(to Taylor)
We got a problem. Cerrano wants some extra power for tonight. He's lookin' to sacrifice a live chicken. We can't have people pukin' in the locker room before the game.

Tell him not to worry, I'll take care of it.

Oh, and thanks for pointing out the script for Groundhog Day, you ghoul. I just spent ten minutes re-enacting the film in my mind from the script. "Did he just call himself 'the talent'?"

Alana said...

All you really need to do is sacrifice that tire. It's obvious that the tire gods do not want you to use it.
Here's what you do:
Take the tire and spread it out into a circle on the garage floor. Draw the wheel in the middle with chalk. Blow up a balloon and tape it to the middle of the drawing and leave it overnight. The next morning let all remaining air out of the balloon, erase the drawing and bury the balloon and tire. (Yes I know the ground is frozen. You'll have to figure that out on your own.) You'll have given the tire and some extra air to the tire gods and thus they will be appeased.

rigtenzin said...

Ride the chicken instead of your bike. Chickens never go flat.